Grief and Loss
Grief is a natural response to loss, most often the death of someone close, but also job loss, the end of a relationship, a serious health diagnosis, or other big life changes. There’s no right way to grieve and no fixed timeline. It tends to come in waves, and it’s common to feel steadier for a while and then be caught off guard months or years later.
Grief isn’t a mental illness, and most people move through it with time and the people around them. This page has two aims: to give a general picture of grief, and to help you recognise when it has become more complicated and extra support might help.
What does grief look like?
Grief affects people differently, and it touches emotions, the body, thinking and behaviour at the same time.
Emotional
- Sadness, yearning or longing for what’s been lost
- Shock, numbness or disbelief, particularly early on
- Anger, guilt or regret
- Relief in some situations, such as after a long illness, which can bring its own complicated feelings
- Anxiety about the future, or about further loss
Physical & cognitive
- Fatigue or low energy
- Disrupted sleep
- Changes in appetite
- Trouble concentrating, or a sense of mental fog
- Tightness, heaviness or a physical ache
Behavioural
- Withdrawing from usual activities or social contact
- Seeking out reminders of what’s been lost, or avoiding them entirely
- Trouble returning to routine responsibilities
These responses usually ease in intensity over time, even if they don’t disappear. Grief can resurface around anniversaries, milestones or unexpected reminders long after a loss.
When does grief need extra support?
Most grief, while painful, eases gradually without clinical treatment. Sometimes it becomes more complicated. This is now recognised clinically as prolonged grief disorder, where intense grief lasts well beyond what’s typical (generally at least twelve months for adults) and gets in the way of daily life.
Grief that isn’t easing
Intense grief that continues well beyond the initial loss without lifting.
Difficulty accepting the loss
A persistent sense that life has lost meaning, or that you can’t take the loss in.
Heavy avoidance
Steering clear of almost anything that reminds you of the person or the loss.
Ongoing difficulty functioning
Trouble at work, in relationships or with daily tasks that isn’t improving.
Hard circumstances
A loss that was sudden or traumatic, or a death by suicide, which can complicate grieving.
Thoughts of not going on
Thoughts of wanting to be with the person who died, or of not wanting to continue.
None of this means something is wrong with how you’re grieving. Some losses are simply harder to move through, and having support doesn’t make your grief abnormal.
How is grief supported?
Support depends on where someone is in the process and what kind of loss they’ve had.
Grief counselling
A supportive space to process the loss, express difficult emotions and adjust to life changes, without treating normal grief as a disorder.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
Useful where grief has become tangled up with anxiety, depression or persistent unhelpful beliefs.
Prolonged grief treatment
Structured, evidence-based approaches for grief that hasn’t eased with time, focused on processing the loss and rebuilding a connection to life.
Support groups
Connecting with others who’ve had similar losses, alongside or instead of individual therapy.
A good starting point is often just having space to talk without a family member or friend needing to manage their own grief alongside yours.
When should I see a psychologist about grief?
It’s worth reaching out if you’ve noticed:
- Grief that feels unrelenting, or isn’t easing months after the loss
- Trouble functioning at work, in relationships or with daily responsibilities
- A loss under particularly hard circumstances (sudden, traumatic, or by suicide)
- Thoughts of self-harm, suicide or not wanting to go on. Seek support immediately; see the crisis contacts above.
- A sense that you want support but have no one to talk to without worrying about being a burden
A GP can set you up with a Mental Health Care Plan under Medicare’s Better Access scheme, which covers a rebate for a set number of psychology sessions each year.
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Get matched with a psychologistFrequently asked questions
Is grief a mental illness?
No. Grief is a normal response to loss. In a smaller number of cases it becomes prolonged or complicated in a way that’s recognised clinically (prolonged grief disorder), but everyday grief isn’t treated as a disorder.
How long does grief normally last?
There’s no fixed timeline, and it varies a lot between people and types of loss. Grief often eases over the first year but can resurface around anniversaries or reminders well beyond that, which is normal rather than a sign something is wrong.
What is prolonged grief disorder?
It’s a clinical term for grief that stays intensely disruptive well beyond what’s typical (generally assessed from around twelve months on for adults) and gets in the way of daily life. It’s a recent addition to diagnostic frameworks and describes a small subset of grief, not the norm.
Is it normal to feel relief after a loss?
Yes, particularly after a long illness or a difficult relationship. Relief alongside grief is common and doesn’t mean you didn’t care. It often reflects the end of prolonged distress, and can bring its own complicated feelings, including guilt.
Can grief counselling help even if it’s not complicated grief?
Yes. You don’t need to meet criteria for prolonged grief disorder to benefit. Many people find it helpful to have dedicated space to process a loss, particularly if they don’t have that elsewhere.
Do I need a GP referral to see a psychologist for grief?
No. You can see a psychologist directly. A GP referral is only needed for a Medicare rebate through a Mental Health Care Plan.
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