Dr Brendan Tan is CEO and co-founder of Pair. As a former clinician and researcher, he brings deep expertise in psychology, digital health, and evidence-based care innovation.
Finding a psychologist can feel overwhelming. With hundreds of profiles, different therapy approaches, and unfamiliar terms, it’s hard to know what actually matters.
Many people assume they need to choose the “right” type of therapy. It’s important to know that biggest factor in successful therapy isn’t the specific approach used, it’s the quality of the relationship between the client and clinician.
Why the Therapeutic Relationship is so important
Research consistently shows that the quality of the relationship between client and clinician is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy.
This relationship includes:
- Feeling heard and understood
- Trusting your psychologist
- Agreeing on goals
- Feeling safe enough to be honest
- Working collaboratively toward change
What to Look for in a Strong Therapeutic Relationship
A strong therapeutic relationship is supported by a few key elements. When choosing a psychologist, consider:
1. Clinical Fit
Does your psychologist has the right clinical expertise to treat you? Consider:
- Do they specialise in what you’re experiencing (e.g., anxiety, trauma, relationships, eating disorders, etc.)?
- Are they trained in the approaches you’re interested in (e.g., CBT, DBT, EMDR, Psychodynamic, etc.)?
- Do they work with your age group?
Clinical fit should be the first and foremost factor you consider when deciding on a psychologist. You need your clinician to specialise in the area you need help with in order for you to achieve your desired outcomes.
2. Practical compatibility
Therapy works best when it is sustainable. Make sure your clinician offers options that work best for you including:
- Location
- Modality (e.g. do they offer In-person or telehealth sessions?)
- Cost and payment options (e.g., Medicare rebate eligibility, TAC, Worker’s Compensation, NDIS, etc.)
- Availability (after-hours, specific days)
- Wait time
If attending sessions becomes logistically stressful, it can undermine the work done in session.
3. Identity and cultural fit
For some people, shared identity matters deeply. For others, it doesn’t matter quite as much. You might want to consider whether you’d feel more comfortable with a psychologist who:
- Shares your cultural background
- Understands your religious or faith context
- Identifies as LGBTQIA+
- Speaks your preferred language
- Is a particular gender
There’s no correct preference, only whatever helps you feel safe and understood.
4. How you feel in the first session
The first session is not a commitment, it’s a test-run for both of you. After the first session ask yourself:
- Did I feel listened to?
- Did the clinician seem genuinely interested in understanding me?
- Did I feel judged?
- Did I feel rushed?
- Do I feel hopeful?
You should feel respected, safe and be able to imagine building trust over time.
At Pair, therapeutic fit is at the centre of how our matching is designed. Our matching process considers clinical expertise, practical factors, and identity preferences to connect people with a clinician who is likely to be a strong fit.
That said, no algorithm can determine the quality of a therapeutic relationship — only you can. Ultimately, you are the best judge of whether the relationship feels safe, supportive and right for you.